I hate drunks.

The only thing I hate more than drunks are BAD drunks.

Y'know, those people who insist on drinking themselves into oblivion at each and every single opportunity. Those people who drink so much that you can strip em' down to their underwear, launch them out a third story window into the street, and they still wouldn't know whats going on. But whatever, that's expected at any college party.

Mean drunks, are the ones that I have a problem with. I'm not even talking about those guys who get drunk, get violent and go looking for a fight. Those type of people I have no problem dealing with. The drunks that I absolutely cannot stand are the ones that give fucking attitude to their friends who are trying to take care of their retarded ass. Hello~!! Are you FUCKING RETARDED.~! Your friends are there trying to take care of you, to make sure that you dont get hit by a car, get fucked up the ass by random strangers, and you have the fucking balls to give them attitude like they did something wrong. I swear, for every one of you that do this to your kind-hearted friends, you should be fucking thrown off a building, head first into a rusty nail.

I overslept 4 of my 5 classes today. I am so going to fail.

Great News~! Babbs, friendly Residential Advisor @ South Quad said that Jane was one of his residents last year. Although he's not too sure, he thinks that she is part Black and part TAIWANESE~! Yo, all I'm saying is that if this is true, the search is over. Old-Fashioned Taiwanese values with a little Hip-Hop flava. OMG, its sooo over. All this is just speculation and based on generalizations, but who knows... Jane, where are you?!?!

It seems like I have nothing important nor interesting to blog about since 'that day'.

I spoke to my mom last night. My sister, whose office was right across the street from the WTC is forced to move to Boston. Her Comapny, Fidelity Investments, basically gave her the ultimatum, work at their Boston office or get laid off. She obediently left days later.

My mom also mentioned that since witnessing the events on Tuesday and right before she left for Boston, my sister slept in the living room, on the couch, with my father's golf club in hand.

My older sister is one of the most aggressive, strong-willed and outright BITCHY people I have ever known. I can't imagine her like this.

I will miss:

~I will miss getting lost while driving around late at night in Manhattan and looking at the Twins to find my way home. 'Just drive towards the WTC. The Brooklyn Bridge is by there."

~I will miss driving into the city at night, coming off the BQE and crossing the Brooklyn Bridge into downtown Manhattan. There's that point, right when you get on the bridge, start driving up it and the the entire downtown skyline takes up the entire front windshield of your car. The silouette of the buildings in the moonlit night. The lighst of the skyscrappers sparkling in the East River.

~I will miss walking across the stuy bridge and seeing the Twins on my left.

~I will miss standing in between the two towers and looking up in awe of its greatness.

~I will miss that part of me that feels safe, secure.....peaceful.

Today wasn't what I expected. The general mood on campus was unusually light-hearted; at least in my opinion. People did not seem to be mourning or grieving. Stories were being shared like they were the newest gossip that came out of Hollywood. Stories of people they knew who were in the area/buildings. Stories the he said/she said. This really disturbed me. I was mad. I wanted to go up to those people on the street corners, in front of the coffee shops, in my classes and say..."Shut the FUCK up~! You dont know shit." By speaking of yesterday's events in sucha casual and light-hearted manner, I feel, is EXTREMELY disrespectful to those who have friends/family in that area and who are grieving and mourning. I wish everyone would just STFU.

I'm afraid to see what tomorrow will be like...

It really puts things in perspective. All this bullshit that I struggle with day to day is all meaningless and trivial. Nothing in this world would mean anything if I dont have my loved ones. Thanks to good fortune and good/bad timing, my family, my friends, those people in my life that I love and care about are still with me. For that, I am forever grateful.

Today, September 11th, 2001, the World Trade Center in NYC is no longer standing. I sit here, trying to make sense of the events that have occured in the past 11 hours. I am left with a surreal feeling of disbelilef. I wish I could describe the things that I am feeling. The only word I can think of to describe my state of mind right now is...disbelief. Everything will be different after today's events. My life, my perception of reality and the world will never be the same.

EVERYTHING has changed.

A bunch of us went singing at this No-rae-bang, on Packard. I must say, it was pretty fun. I was quite impressed by the lyrical skillz of my friends. PZ showed us wassup with his Bryan Adams/Bon Jovi impression. He was hollering and hittin' notes that I thought was going to make his head explode. Sharon and Julia was holdin it down for the girls, dazzling the rest of us with their sweet Kareoke voices. They are no doubt veterans to the No-Rae-Bangs of the EasYde... It was fun.

Hark, my angel has spoken. Yes, I saw Jane today. (In case you didnt know, Jane is the girl Iam currently sweatin' and looking for, all over campus). She looks just as good in the light, as she does under the dim lights of a club. She was wearing a cute lil dark blue shirt/skirt and sounded quite angelic when she spoke. 'Can you pass me a fork' she said to Jon as I stood behind him in the buffet line of this cultural event they had at Trotter house. I stood there, awe-struck with my thumb up my ass, not saying a word. Perhaps she is the difference I have been craving for. A new shorty, a new goal. Dayam, I should just grow some balls and talk to her.

Same ole shit dog, just a different day. Here we go again. ~DMX

Went to Blind Pig tonight. I think it would have been decently fun, but I wasn't feeling the crowd. Something about the 500 smelly, sweaty people jammed into a mathcbox of a club just doesn't sit well with me. The highlight of the night was seeing this FINEEEEE ass girl right when I was leaving. OMG she looked so good. I think I will call her Jane; just to have a name to go with her face. Anyways, Jane is HOT. I think she's mixed (black with some 'Asian' in her). Short hair, nice athletic body, and CUTE face~!! She looked good from every angle. I was going to go up and talk to her, not to hit on her, but just to tell her that I thought she was beautiful. But, in the end, I chickened out. I should have though. I probably will never see her again. So sad. I will miss you Jane.

I'm afraid. Thats pretty much what it is. I'm afraid of staying the same. I'm afraid of not changing and not growing. I dont know why I feel this incessant need to be different and revise myself. Maybe I am, in fact, quite disatisfied with myself or my life. Who knows. But all I know is that I am craving change. Things have to be different for me this year. They must.

Well, I've been on campus for almost a week now. I can't say that I am very happy to be here, despite how much I complained about being bored in New York. It's weird, I think I had so many expectations for this year that from the moment that I stepped on campus, everything fell short of it. Actually, I really didnt have expectations, just Hopes. I had hoped that this year would be better than the last. I had hoped that I could finally get myself together and find my path. I had hoped that everything would somehow fit together and I would find the perfect balance between work and play. Although its only been a few days, and all I have done is clean, un-pack, and chit-chat with people, I feel things will horribly deviate from my hopes. Its hard to explain. I just feel that this year will be incredibly habitual and that nothing will change. I feel that I wil be doing the same things that I did last year, only this time, it wont be new and exciting anymore. It'll just be old. Hold up, I'ma go make myself a cup of tea.